And next, I’d like to suggest some alterations for the purposes of building on enthusiasm, both on the hiring manager’s part and the jobseeker’s. Here goes:

1. Replace “But” with “And”, i.e., “I’ve been recognized for all the attributes you mentioned. And I’m also interested in finding out your expectations for the person you hire.”

“But” tends to have a negating effect. “And” signifies connecting and building.

2. Give them only one time that you’re available. They are an important person. And so are you. Reading “I’m available any time from 1 to 5 any day” can raise suspicions, why aren’t you like them and their colleagues who brag about working 14-hour days and missing out on their kids’ baseball games? This especially applies if you’re unemployed; in this overworked society, you must paint yourself as someone who is constantly in demand even if you’ve got all the time in the world.

So you can be assertive and courteous, e.g., “I will call you next week to see if we can meet Thursday April 19 at 5PM.” When you call, they can say if that time is good, and if not, potentially suggest another.

3. Although loyalty is pretty much dead from employer to employee and vice versa, you still are expected to be one who takes their current company seriously. The part about “reach me any time on my cell phone” might have them think “if this person comes work for me, they’ll take calls from other employers during my work hours too.” You can simply place your number in the letter’s heading or closing.

Hopefully this isn’t nitpicky, and helps restore the lost art of letter writing, enthusiastically.

P.S. Speaking of “market for a new car”, #2 and #3 here come from the marketing school of why auto dealers use phrases like “limited time only,” “special edition,” etc.